


survival

by CD (saintmachina)



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 10:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintmachina/pseuds/CD
Summary: Photon and Avenger fly higher, further, faster, always together.





	survival

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, spoilers for the plot of _Captain Marvel_.

#### i. men don’t protect you anymore

Rambeau is the one who teaches her how to dismantle her M16.

Carol’s lagging behind and she knows it, almost fifteen seconds slower than other trainees in her flight. She can’t rely on her staff sergeant for help and she’s _terrified_ , a loop of _maybe they’re right, no, God, keep yourself together, you’ll prove them wrong_ playing in her head.

Then the only other woman in Lackland puts her hands over Carol’s and shows her how to use the rifle’s firing pin to remove its extractor pin, and Carol’s finally found someone to lean on when she gets up over and over again. 

#### ii. the beginning of the war will be secret

Photon and Avenger fly higher, further, faster, always together. They’re not only flight mates, but _best friends_ , and that’s why they stand out in a field where homogeneity is drilled into everyone.

More than that, they find a home in each other’s arms. It happens with a late night karaoke party, a duet filled with romantic overtures, affection which toes the lines between _girl friendship_ and another thing entirely.

Carol isn’t afraid—she hasn’t been since that day in BMT. And Maria is the bravest person she knows.

So they go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may. 

#### iii. people look like they are dancing before they fall in love

She’s not supposed to recall this.

The guarded tone in Maria’s words tips her off, and Vers— _Carol_ —knows she shouldn’t bring it up, because whatever it was, Maria’s trying to leave it in a safeguarded past Carol doesn’t have the keys to. But she _remembers_ , the bite of cold winds on her skin because she’d yielded her trusty leather jacket to her friend, best friend, maybe something else entirely; quick kisses to worn out dog tags before a flight, just in case; arms around shoulders as they sang their hearts out, lyrics Carol would still remember if prompted; a deep warmth inside her chest she could never explain to Yon-Rogg on sleepless nights back in Hala.

All her life she was taught to keep her emotions in check, yet she can’t repress this, not really, and she doesn’t want to put Maria in a spot she’s been trying to avoid but she has to _know_. So Carol splays a shaky hand out on the table and waits. She casts a cursory glance at Maria, sees the affection under the incredulity and (warranted) anger.

Maria holds out her hand and locks their fingers together.

Vers— _Carol_ —doesn’t know if it’s a peace offering, a pity gesture, or sheer desperation. But she adores it, this closeness that feels like coming home. There’s no such thing as _true love_ , she knows, a Kree’s only calling is serving their people, but this might be the closest thing to it: this woman trusts her, has been praying for her to return even though Carol doesn’t remember leaving.

The touch doesn’t spark a chain of memories or heal all the gaps in Carol’s head, it would be silly to hope otherwise, she’s not that naïve. But it gives her a new sense of self; she could be not just a Kree warmonger, but something _more_ , a something which Maria thought was long gone but Carol wants to find again, just so she can see that light in her eyes one more time. 

She wonders if in the past, when she flew jets with Lawson and endured fall after another, this was what she felt when she saw Maria for the first time. Before, she thought her stray memories could’ve been planted into her brain by rogue Skrulls, carefully staged by a handful of shapeshifters. Now, she thinks she’s found a guiding light, and she can’t help her gleeful grin.

_You’re going home, Carol Danvers._

Maria smiles back, a little unguarded, a little uncertain. “You used to go so hard for that band,” she says, nodding at Carol’s shirt. “You once knocked out a biker for cutting in the karaoke line. I don’t know if you remember.”

“I don’t,” Carol admits, her head down. Maria’s smile falters slightly. “But I want to remember. You make me want to remember.”

“Good,” Maria says. “I’ll be waiting ‘till then, Avenger.” 

#### iv. shoot into infinite space to hit a target in time and call it inevitable

Carol keeps a picture of Maria and Monica on her jacket, close to her heart. They’re the utmost reminder of her _humanity_ , and she’s still relearning how to cherish it after years of Yon-Rogg, and the Supreme Intelligence, indoctrinating her to believe it was synonymous with weakness.

She shoots through spaceships like a comet breaking free from its orbit, wielding the cosmic fire she’s reclaimed as a channel for her emotions.

And its biggest fuel is knowing she will, one day, return to her home planet and hold Maria Rambeau with the same bright fists that avenged the Universe.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and section headings from Jenny Holzer’s _Survival_ (1983–1985).
> 
> “Go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may” from Jenny Holzer’s _Truisms_ (1978–1983).


End file.
